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What’s It Worth To Ya?

  • Contents of fully-loaded car for a 3-week housesit forcibly removed…$175 to replace broken window, estimated $2500 to replace my essential items, $105 to replace a friend’s shirt (which I had borrowed to go salsa dancing when I was too lazy to drive to my house in the woods a couple nights before)
  • Replacements for 2 accidentally broken items while staying at someone’s house after the break-in…$90
  • Parking ticket due to not checking the street sign that was hidden in the bushes carefully enough…$76
  • Replacement nightguard after a sweet dogsit doggie thought it was a fun chew toy and broke it to bits…about $800 plus exams
  • Going out dancing again after a years-long drought, spending so much time with sweet dogs, feeling connected to my sense of humor and appreciation through all of this, re-expanding my world after several years spent living in the forest alone, reconnecting with old friends in the city and knowing this is abundance practice in action…

PRICELESS

Thanks to my awesome therapist, I’ve been doing Tosha Silver’s Abundance Change Me Prayer each day from her book, It’s Not Your Money. It is definitely a key part of my continuing happiness through challenging external circumstances lately.
 “Divine Beloved, Change Me into someone
who can give with complete ease and abundance,
knowing You are the unlimited Source of All.
Let me be an easy open conduit for Your prosperity.
Let me trust that all of my own needs are
always met in amazing ways
and it is safe to give freely as my heart guides me.
And equally, please Change Me into someone
who can feel wildly open to receiving.
Let me know my own value, beauty and
worthiness without question.
Let me allow others the supreme pleasure of giving to me.
Let me feel worthy to receive in every possible way.
And let me extend kindness to all who need,
feeling compassion and understanding
in even the hardest situations.
Change me into One who can fully love, forgive
and accept myself… so I may carry your Light
without restriction.
Let everything that needs to go, go.
Let everything that needs to come, come.
I am utterly Your own.
You are Me.
I am You.
We are One.
All is well.toshasilver©2014
When my suede-bottomed dance shoes were stolen from my car, I ordered a replacement pair online but they weren’t going to be delivered before Sunday night, my current favorite dance night. (Seahorse in Sausalito for salsa….SOOOO good.) (Yes, I’m a dork who spells it Salsalito in my mind. You can’t stop me.)

So I went to a local store and really wanted to support them, as well. I saw some Yelp reviews that the lady who works there can be stern, and her manner was certainly clipped when I called to check their hours. Honestly, I walked in a little skurred. She and I went through my trying on a variety of high heels, even though I told her I can’t dance in a heel. I can’t even stand in a heel, much less move in one. She somehow convinced me that a 2-inch heel would be no problem, basically the same as dancing on flat.

So I brought the shoes home but knew all along they weren’t going to work. I just couldn’t stand up to her that day, no pun intended. I broke it into mini steps, oh jeez, no pun intended there either, I promise. I slept on it a couple of nights. Then I just moved the shoes in their box and the receipt out to the car. One day I was driving back to the place where I was staying, having been pumped full of spiritual hopefulness by a group near and dear to me. 

I stopped into the shoe store, having rehearsed my speech to her in my mind. I anticipated her counter arguments. I practiced different facial expressions…I wanted to go for sincere, contrite, but also resolved. I didn’t want her to get in trouble if she answered to someone else, and I didn’t want the store to be inconvenienced or suffer in any way. I called friends while I was on the way, to set up some accountability that I wouldn’t walk out of the store with those dang shoes again. They are lovely shoes, they are just not my best fit. I wanted to be seen and admired in those shoes from the outside…but my actual job is to find the shoes I want to dance in and experience them from the inside. Life goes best that way for me.

Turns out, another woman was filling in for the stern lady that day; stern lady’s kid was graduating college! Turns out second lady will not wear a heel, either, and even walks around the store in her sock feet. Turns out second lady wondered why stern lady hadn’t shown me the suede-bottomed flat jazz boot in my size that has been sitting on the shelf for 2 years?! Also, my ankles get stepped on in salsa; it’s my least favorite part of the proceedings. When I get going I dance too big and then it’s like little snake bites down there. I had on my wish list before the break-in, to look for an ankle-high boot in which to dance. I don’t even have to tell you because you see how this is rolling……

WELL WELL WELL, HELLLLOOOOO PERFECTION

That was just so perfect and affirming. I thank Intuition primarily. I thank having practiced some boundaries and difficult conversations, even though I have so far to go and still am afraid of other peoples’ shadows, much less my own. I thank having a budget, and having some rainy day savings so that I didn’t have to freak out just because money has already been pouring out lately. I thank knowing my highest priorities. I LOVE dancing, and I already stayed away from it for too long. Getting back to it, and in the best shoes for me, is a rush and a healthy high that is irreplaceable in my life these days.
 I want all of this for you, too! Whatever your version of this is, may it become so!
(And, yes, I also got a tennis racquet replacement for the one that was stolen…)
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