Ordered Nourishment

I was thinking today about some of the terms that we use in helping professions, to describe out-of-balance behavior and root causes.

Eating Disorder
Personality Disorder
Sexual Disorder
Money Disorder

From Wikipedia:

“Money disorders are the maladaptive patterns of financial beliefs and behaviors that lead to clinically significant distress, impairment in social or occupational functioning, due to financial strain or an inability to appropriately enjoy one’s financial resources.[1] With the exception of pathological gambling and compulsive buyingpsychology and the mental health fields have largely neglected dysfunctional money disorders.[2] Types of behaviors, or “scripts”, related to money disorders include money avoidance, money worship, money status and money vigilance.[3]

Those afflicted with money disorders or who have problematic money beliefs can seek financial therapy. With financial therapy, financial planners and relationship therapists work together to provide comprehensive treatment to clients experiencing financial distress.[4]

{See http://www.yourmentalwealth.com/ for more resources}

So, I confess to some healthy skepticism when it comes to the link between those who treat a “disorder”, naming and codifying the same “disorder”.

Where the skepticism dies for me, however, is the number of people that I have seen in my practice who are truly (and sometimes staggeringly) negatively affected by some sort of maladaptive relationship with money. It touches SO MUCH in our lives. Partnership, self-esteem, sense of security, dating/sexuality/online presence, hopes/dreams, career, family relationships, hobbies and travel. Memories that stay active within us, consciously or not. Purpose, relationship with Spirit as someone here on Earth in a human body. Creativity, expression, artistic freedom. What else is left?! What is actually untouched by some aspect of our relationship with finances?

I just saw a thread so clearly today, that of all the different types of disorders, each one seems to be asking for some sort of nourishment. Either spiritually, intellectually, physically, psychically, or relationally. The realization brought me some peace that I wanted to share with you, the simplicity of it. That it’s not like I have all of these different or separate jobs in life…to heal around food over here, then separately to heal around money over there, then in another corner, work on my disordered ways of relating. There does seem to be this umbrella that when I face the healing music, it so often asks me to take in some sort of nourishment that I haven’t yet filled up on. So then, it’s not as much about sticking with just the name of the “disorder”…it’s more like finding the You Are Here spot on a map, so I can then take the best route to my next growth spot on the map.

Have you ever bought new clothes, when you really hoped that someone special might find your attractive? (Nourishment aspect…positive attention and appreciation.)

Have you ever picked up the dinner tab for everyone, when it wasn’t really in your budget and actually didn’t bring you joy? (Nourishment aspect…peace inside, unaffected by outside “conflict” or potentially negative conditions.)

Have you ever hoarded money, even when rationally there was plenty there to enjoy? Deprived yourself now in some basic way, in order to save more and more for some potentially scary future? (Nourishment aspect…sense of abundance and safety. Also connection with a guiding and trusted force.)

These aren’t necessarily everyones’ specific nourishment answers. And obviously the nourishment menu is INFINITE. Which is good news for all of us! But I know it can be intimidating, as well, especially when you’re just at the “You Are At This Disorder” place in the journey. It’s all in the action, really. And before the action, it’s all in my intention and willingness. And before the intention, willingness, and action, it’s all in my level of honesty with myself and others about what is and is not working in my life. Reaching out to have a potentially challenging conversation with someone I love, is a heck of a lot harder than placing an Amazon order. (For me, at least!)

See if you can notice, the next time you have some sort of cravings towards or aversion away from money, whether you can begin to detect what nourishing experience you could have to accompany the experience.

This background stuff is less clear-cut than the numbers themselves. However, it makes all the difference in my behavior, which is actually all that is reflected in the numbers, anyway. The goal is not to make a “disorder” totally “ordered” in a controlling way. It’s not binary. The goal, in my experience, is to learn what the special creature of you actually wants and needs. Which is, in my experience, Divine Order.

Good news from a hard-working couple

I’m going to tell you about a couple who I am very proud of. Of course, they shall remain nameless, and they gave me permission to share their wins with you.

Like so many folks, they came to my practice living busy, full lives, with a lot of debt lurking in the background. That dance of 1 step ahead by paying all the monthly minimums, and then 2 steps back once the interest charges kicked in.

As much as I’d love to offer an easy answer to a situation like this, it generally takes an awful lot of work of some sort. It takes a ton of persistence, and the equivalent of a marathon runner finding which energy gel will keep her going. (The nourishment theme again!) So, this couple keeps showing up.

While the whole enchilada hasn’t been solved by any means, they just keep at it. We review their spending monthly, particular items that could be reduced or eliminated, and we have those tough conversations that build up under the surface when the rest of busy life keeps happening.

So far they have sold their extra car, reduced their phone bill, made some priority decisions about which trips to take and which to skip for now, and have humbly asked for help to make things possible that they would have spent extra on before.

2 thumbs up, you guys!! Keep it up!!

 

I really like talking about money. (No, I really do!!) It’s such a great, attainable indicator of self-love and clarity of priorities.

If you have worked with me, or if you just know me and would be willing to let others know my value, I’d be so grateful for a Google review. I totally understand if you need to keep our work confidential. However, reviews can also be helpful, whether or not they reveal content.

Here’s the link if you’re up for it! Love The Zeros Google Review  Thanks either way!