I’ve read a lot about what I can do for my own finances. Such as…
- Save more money so that when I (hopefully) get older, I’ll have some duckies to pay for fancy senior care, and enough to make it through my whole Bucket List.
- Constantly strive to have my earnings match the value of the unique and sacred services I offer.
- Surrender it all to the Divine; I can lack cognitive understanding of how the Divine works, and trust all of my prior experience that everything works out when I wave the white flag and uncurl my tight fingers around money fears.
- If I’m coupled up, get on the same page with my partner. Which probably means some discomfort will ensue, but we’ll trust that stuff will get worked out with care and attention and compromise.
Are you familiar with the serenity prayer? “God (or Higher Power, or Universe, or Yoda, whatever works for you), grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.
Most money advice falls in to the ‘things I can change category’. (Which is a funny pun…change, get it? But I digress.)
Lately I’m noticing the importance of identifying the things I cannot change. Which so often boils down to, basically, OTHER PEOPLE. It is fascinating and sometimes frightening to me to see how other peoples’ money blocks appear in daily life. First, I will give you some examples. Then I will share some techniques that help me navigate the brick walls and boulders on the path. (I mean the issues and blocks, not the other people per se! I like that approach that we’re all here on Earth to help each other learn and grow.)
Examples of encountering a money block in someone else:
~You loaned a friend some money. They made it sound like they could pay you back fairly easily, but they haven’t paid you back yet. They make noises about feeling sorry about it, but there’s still this awkwardness between you. How did something so simple become so complicated?
~You’ve been checking out some financial teachers online, and you get it that it would be wise for you to start living with a spending plan and some specific goals. When you bring it up excitedly with your partner, they seem to be grumpy, and pick on you about something else. Wouldn’t you think they would want to look at this stuff with you?
~You’ve taken the bold step to bring up with your boss that you’re overdue to discuss your raise/bonus/move to part-time, etc. You’ve made appointments with them, and some sort of urgent matter has come up the last 3 appointment times. They apologized profusely, but you still haven’t had the conversation. What on Earth is keeping them away from just showing up for this chat?
Of course, I can never know exactly what is going on inside of someone else. They may not even know. I do like to look at actions and results, as opposed to intentions and promises, when it comes to my financial agreements with other people.
It’s clear that I cannot do anyone else’s internal work for them, right? (Ohhh how I’ve tried.) I can lead the horse to water but I cannot make the horsey drink. Horsey will drink if and when it is ready and willing and not a second sooner.
So what actions are likely to be effective when there is some sort of block between you and financial clarity or success, and the block appears to live in the other person?
These things have helped me:
~Give them the benefit of the doubt the first time they transgress (cancel an appointment, make a snarky comment to undercut me, or do an effective Jedi mind trick on me to divert the conversation)
~Listen to my intuition. HUGE. That little voice that speaks quietly yet with crystal clarity, knows what time it is 24/7. When I am in denial about someone else’s truth, I too easily shut off hearing the intuition. When I trust it and go with it, it never steers me wrong. The other person may be (or act) shocked, confused, outraged…you know, all of those states of being that can be intense to tolerate.
~If they amp up, do my best to stay grounded and clear. In the face of someone else’s anger or disappointment, I often want to yak or go run and hide in the nearest bushes. Facing that fire and not letting it burn me, too, is OG ninja-helpful. (And, granted, it’s easier said than done.)
~Let go of trying to interpret their silence, or tears. After they’ve had some space to let the storm move through, I can ask them if they’re willing to tell me what they are feeling. That helps me stay out of ancient personal history, which I so often get confused with the person in front of me.
~Be willing to repeat my question. I assume that others are clear and present. That is not always the case, even if they are faking a good clear and present state. If I haven’t gotten my question answered, it’s possible they forgot or misunderstood it. (I probably lost entire relationships before I understood this one. Not everyone is tracking my desires as closely as I am! Alas.)
You know I love to issue a challenge.
The challenge for this inspiring installment is:
Identify 1 situation where you have an incomplete financial task, due to someone else not sealing the deal. (Perhaps a client owes you money, or you’re waiting to hear back about your taxes, etc.)
Now, tell me (or anyone you trust) what is another specific step you will take in the next week, maximum, to bring this to completion?
Go forth, and complete.
Has anyone checked out Rolling Jubilee? I am fascinated by what they are up to. I don’t have personal experience with them but feel called to share the resource.